she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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