I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I need moral support for this bender
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
