im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
