I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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