I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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