I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
