Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
