Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
