i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
