East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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