I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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