Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
