Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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