Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
