"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
