I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
