butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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