We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
