You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
