No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
