Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
