So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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