My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
