If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
