The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
so much tequila, so little girl.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
