***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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