Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
COCAINE IS GR8
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
