I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
