There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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