haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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