I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
