Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
