what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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