she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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