i just google imaged poop.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
