whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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