is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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