like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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