Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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