We won't sleep together?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
