At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
