He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
