The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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