Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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