you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
