The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
