Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
