Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
