Umm I'm too high to move.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
