I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I looked at my own cervix.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
