you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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