I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
