Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
