Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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