It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
