So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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