dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
