A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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